India Adoption

River and I are at the table eating, small photos of babies spread between us. I search for the words to explain how some babies have light skin, some dark. Some eyes are this shape, others that. All beautiful, all without a family.

"You don't have a family, Mama?" I grab her hands, "You are my family, silly." We kid each other until I wonder, "River, do you think we could be family for a baby that doesn't have one?" She nods her head yes. "I want one of those."

We are pursuing adoption.

In the last few weeks I have realized that a strong part of my path is motherhood. Strange if you know me. I'm not really so 'maternal', and everyone knows it's not an easy journey for me at all. Every time I try to let go of not having another child, I grieve. I grieve deeply and sink into a subtle, though pervading, depression.

It never occurred to me that I couldn't conceive after having River. We tried for two years. I took clomid and progesterone. Nothing. Granted, there was due stress, but still, I just knew another being was with me, part of a destined plan.

River has a companion, that's clear, and I have been stuck on thinking that I have to birth that being. Recently I have discovered liberation in the understanding that it is simply my place to open my heart and my home.

Several years ago, when I first allowed myself to affirm that I wanted a baby, when nothing in my life was in alignment with that vision, everything shifted once I named what was true for me. The outcome is not so important, it's the act of fully embracing our truest vocation that keeps us on our right path.

I went to India and prayed. I meditated. I went to temples and did fertility rituals. I called out to River and to another being, there have always been two.

The other night I was laying in bed and realized that that child may be from India. Like most true things, once perceived, it seemed like the clearest reality ever. Of course, I will adopt a child from India. That's the other puzzle piece. I've been waiting in the wrong place.

Truth collides with form.

Now, turning pages in the adoption packet, I see the limitations for US parents. We cannot be more than 45 years older than the child. We cannot have more than one divorce. That rules us out. Even if we did qualify, most families are waiting up to three years at this point.

An article that I just read lists these statistics:
Number of destitute children in India : 44 million
Number of Orphans in India : 12.44 million
Number of NGOs working on the issue of Adoption : around 300

A response to that article:
The number of orphans in India as 12.4 million is grossly understated. I, too, used this figure for a long time. However, the official UNICEF figure from a 2007 report gives the official estimate at 25.7 million - more than twice that amount.

If you've ever been to India you know this to be true. The streets are filled with homeless toddlers. Why should it be so difficult for a loving family to give a home to a beautiful child?

My heart and soul move together now, eyes in focus, vision wide. I am looking into the depths, across maps and oceans, for this little one.

If anyone has any information or advice about adoption in India, please let me know. Thanks.