Waiting Light
Lisa calls at 8:25am. "Are you trying to get out the door?" She knows I am, "Yes, I'll call you from the road."
Pink cheeks and whines, River hides in a dark corner, full pout. "Come on, sweetie, it's so cold out and you're sick. Please put your coat on." Really, she just wants me to do it for her, just wants a tender glance. This is how we get out the door, gently.
I ask myself, flying in the frigid air, what mile marker makes it the right time to call? No time to think, it all passes, so I dial. After the tedious daily news, I ask what's going on. She says, "You know, when I call in the morning like this you can just let it go to voice mail."
I want to hang my head on the wheel, so sad. She can't let me care. Can't let herself be that important. Can't let this be the most important things in our lives.
"They want to see me tomorrow morning at 8:30am, but won't say why. The opthamologist sent my scans to another neurosurgeon......I guess all this is good news. Or not."
It's a bright day in Wisconsin, sun on fresh snow, so she'll close the curtains today. Fully open, she can't filter the light. No protection anymore, fully dilated.
I'm shivering inside a cafe, tracing branches in the Oregon sun-filled sky. There's nowhere to go and nothing to do. One hundred percent full moon, ten thousand things stand waiting inside me.
posted by riversgrace | 9:26 AM PERMALINK
12 Comments:
Oh, the waiting. The waiting is the hardest thing to do. I am so sorry, Prema. Please know that you are not waiting alone. This circle of light and love is with you, holding you both in your time of waiting. Letting it hold you and nourishing yourself as you wait are the most important things you can do.
Love. Always.
I pray there will be a purpose for her being fully open.
Maybe there comes a time for each of us when we can no longer filter the light, no longer protect ourselves. Maybe that's when we dilate fully, open ourselves to the caring of others.
Because Lisa is important to you, she is important to me, too. You both are in my prayers, in the eye of my heart, surrounded by Light and Love.
We're waiting here with you Prem. All of us together, holding the space, sending virtual circles of light....
(((Love)))
Only love... I send it up and all around you.
((you))
:)
I am sending love and light too--soft, gentle light.
I am so sorry for the waiting, too. We are all with you in the waiting, much much love heading in your direction.
I hope you know I am always here, no matter what my own drama.
Big big love.
Another here waiting with you and sending you love and light to you and Lisa both.
We're waiting with you.
Love.
Suzy
Me too. Light, light and more light, the healing kind, not the blinding kind, coming to you and yours.
Let us know what you learn later today.
love.
Do you mean from the eye drops they use to temporarily dilate eyes for exams? Hope so. Light is something you really miss.
A lot of what people go through emotionally/medically is often the worry. If you can let that go - easier said than done, I know, but worth working on - then more often than not, the medical news turns out to be good or not nearly as bad as you'd worried about.
Waiting with you. Praying with you. Loving you.
love.
Post a Comment
<< Home