RiversGrace

Navigating the Sacred and Mundane

Sunday, August 24, 2008

River's Grace

video

Three years ago I set out to write a memoir. As with most plans, the content I had intended transformed into something else, guided by the presence of my newborn daughter, River. Most days, sitting down to write, she slept next to me at the cafe. Closing eyes, waiting for the muse, I was always surprised, always led through humility, and always greeted with the opening of eyes - hers to the world, mine to the story making its way onto the page.

I have over 300 pages, letters to River, about life, lessons, the daily grind, and the sacred seed in every moment. After a few attempts to edit and find the right beginning, I put it away. Life always seems to take over. I am not an easy woman, and River is not an easy girl; our relationship is not easy.

Most nights I still don't sleep more than a few hours. Most days I don't know how to be right with her. It's hard to justify a book, filled with love and a deeply held conviction for the spiritual path of motherhood, when these days we're well into the woods of forgetting our true connection. She's only three and a half and I know, already, the forgetting is here.

But still, some things have a life of their own. In the past few weeks I've had one offer for publication, and another strong showing of interest. Without pursuing its outcome, River's Grace is finding its way out of the box and into the light of day again.

For the next few months I am rededicating myself to giving it a chance, to listening as deeply as I did for that original year of writing. I ask for your blessing and prayer that the exhaustion stand back, that the daily frustrations of my life stand down, that a space be cleared for the inside voice to be honored and given a body.

9 Comments:

Blogger Carrie Wilson Link said...

You got it! You know you have my blessings, prayers, love and a deep belief that you can/will do this.

Long live the inside, and embodied voice!

1:11 PM  
Blogger Carrie Wilson Link said...

P.S. "I'm River. I'm a little girl." Love that.

1:14 PM  
Blogger Deb said...

So glad for you. Sending the blessings and prayers you requested, along with a the same deep belief Carrie has that you will do this.

3:10 PM  
Blogger kario said...

You didn't even need to ask. The circle is here - always here.

Sending love and light.

5:28 PM  
Blogger Jerri said...

Prem, you know I've believed this book would find its way since you read the first page that day in Carrie's living room.

I could not be more delighted about this. As always, you have my blessings and my prayers, along with my faith in you and in the book.

Deeply happy here.

7:02 PM  
Blogger Go Mama said...

Now there's a girl who knows who she is. May you find the same clarity and the space to be exactly who you already are.

So happy to hear you name your intention! May it unfold in the most perfect time and way.

Much love to both of you....

9:28 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

It seems like a lot of things are about to happen for you, and I'm not sure you need our help. But nonetheless, you of course have it, have my love and support for all of this. :)

That's an awesome video. She may not be easy, but she's super cool.

I can't help sharing here what she said to me the other day at the playground, in response to me being sad about my family leaving. "But Jess, I'm here. So you're not alone now."

She's cool. You're cool. Easy is overrated.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Carrie Wilson Link said...

Just read all these comments - they made me cry. Just THINKING about your book makes me cry - may need to revisit the Paxil issue when the book DOES get published.

9:34 PM  
Blogger holly said...

like Jerri I have believed in this book since the first time I heard you read from it at Carrie's. Loved it so much that I didn't return the pages to you, and I still have them, and I still read them. You said that weekend that what you want is for your words to be medicine. Well, they are for me. Powerful stuff. Those words are, in no small way, responsible for carrying me through many long nights. so, thank you.

Your intentions are in my thoughts and prayers. And what I know is this: that inner voice, the true voice, the YOU in you, is bigger than the exhaustion, the fear, the day to day to day schtuff. Those words are you, and I don't believe for a minute they will tolerate being left in a box to collect dust.

love you.
h

9:29 AM  

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